Episode 21: He was aware that he was still a child
by Tokyo Jazz
Summary: Alternate take on Episode 21. Gendo and Naoko have a childish fight.


**AN: **Ok, so I was watching MTVs "Yo Momma" when a voice told me to write this fic. So if you don't like it, blame the voice. Some of the insults I came up with the rest I got from friends, my brother, the internet, etc. Anyway, I hope you enjoy.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything!

**Warning: **Some, if not, major **OOC** here.

Ok, well, this is an AU spoof to episode 21, Naoko Akagi doesn't strangle little Rei after being called an "old hag", instead she gets into a rather "childish" fight with Gendo. Let's begin, shall we?

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_Little Rei is looking for Gendo but gets lost and finds Naoko instead._

**Naoko: **"But, how will you get home by yourself?" (or something like that)

**Little Rei**: "That is none of your business, old hag."

**Naoko: **"What...did you just call me?"

**Little Rei: **"I can find my way by myself. Old Hag."

**Naoko: **"You shouldn't call a person an "old hag", Rei."

**Little Rei: **"Why not? You are an old hag, aren't you?"

**Naoko: **"I am getting mad! Gendo is going to give you a spanking later."

**Little Rei: **"But he's the one who calls you that."

**Naoko: **"W-WHAT!"

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_Naoko picks up Little Rei and carries her off to her office and gives her a Quaker Oats Chewy Granola Bar. She leaves Little Rei there and proceeds to hunt down Gendo. She finds him in his office and the childish carnage begins._

**Naoko: **_storms in Gendo's office and slams the door_ "Y-YOU SON-OF-A-BI….."

**Gendo: **"WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM! You can't come storming in here like you own the damn place! I'm in the middle of a conference here!"

**Naoko: **"To hell with your conference! _snatches the phone away from Gendo and hangs up on Chairman Keel_ Where do you get off calling me an "Old Hag"?"

**Gendo: **_now pissed_ "Well you are old - you know what they say about the truth, it will set you free."

**Naoko: **_mouth dropped, she couldn't believe this_

**Gendo:** _realizing he had obviously struck a chord in the poor woman, he continued to insult her_ _smiling evilly_ "And your fat too. In fact, you're old, fat, and ugly - I would even go as far to say, "Naoko, you're so damn ugly that when you sit on a sand dune at the beach, cats try to bury you.""

**Naoko: **_face began to turn red with fury_

**Gendo: **"I bet when you were a kid - which was a _very_ long time ago - your parents had to tie a steak around your neck so the dog would play with you."

**Naoko: **_face began to turn even redder_

**Gendo: **"You know what? Maybe I shouldn't call you ugly, you're more of a cross between _ugly_ and _fucking ugly. _I know I'll call you _fuugly_!"

**Naoko: **_now furious (two can play at this game)_ "Why you little pussy whipped, bitch ass, man hoe! I don't even know what I saw in you to begin with. sarcastically Oh yeah, now I remember, I felt sorry for you after hearing about you getting fired from your last job at the sperm bank - after your boss caught you "drinking" on the job."

**Gendo: **_pushes his glasses back up his nose_

**Naoko: **"You know what Gendo? I bet with a "drinking" habit like that, Chairman Keel will be sure to promote you to "Commander" one day. Your old boss might not have appreciated your skills but Chairman Keel most certainly will."

**Gendo: **_still sitting at his desk, getting more pissed_

**Naoko:** _smiling evilly_ "What's the matter Gendo? Worried your talent might be a little off key. Don't worry, just remember practice makes perfect. Why I bet Fuyutsuki would be glad to lend you a helping…"

**Gendo: **(_interrupts)_ _He has had about enough of Naoko_ Naoko, do you have any thing important to say to me? If not, please leave I have more pressing matters to attended to."

**Naoko: **"Oh, such as, buying an imitation of a fake Rolex. Oh, that's right, you don't have to buy anything with cash. All you have to do is get down on both knees and op-"

**Gendo: (**_interrupts)_ _looks up at her and picks up the phone_ "I'll only ask you again to please leave my office."

**Naoko: **_proceeds to sit on Gendo's desk and crosses her legs_ "I'm not leaving."

**Gendo: **"I'm going to call security and have you not only removed from my office but, from the building itself as well. Now please leave."

**Naoko: **_starts singing the "Whistle Song"_ "Open up put it in, let's begin."

**Gendo: **_now furious_ "Ok, you now have until the time I count to three to hall your old skank ass outta my office, before I throw your ass outta here via the fucking window."

**Naoko: **"Save your breath, Gendo,...your only here at Gehirn for one reason and one reason only - and it ain't got nothing to with your wife's work. You know what everyone says about you - your like a shotgun - first he cocks...then he blows."

**Gendo: **"Why you mean old bitch!"

**Naoko: **"Oh, don't even act surprised ,Gendo, you know I really didn't think you were that stupid. Well, I take that back, remember that time I threw you a penny for sex, and you gave me change."

**Gendo: **"Yeah, I must've been stupid - I got up with you didn't I."

**Naoko: **"I mustn't have been to bad seeing on how you came back for seconds."

**Gendo: **"Bitch, your so nasty the government ought to make you wear a Biohazard warning."

**Naoko: **"I'm NASTY! I'm NASTY! _in a ghetto voice_ WHATEVER!"

**Gendo: **"Whatever my ass! The last time I ate at your restaurant I got food poisoning."

**Naoko: **"Hey, do you smell that? Eww! What is that stench….wait a minute its coming from you. Why do you smell funny?"

**Gendo: **"It's called Soap - don't think you've ever smelt it before...let alone used it."

**Naoko: **"No it smells more like Man - sex!" burst out laughing

**Gendo: **"At least I can get a man…uh…wait! That came out wrong!"

_Naoko falls off of Gendo's desk laughing. Gendo feels so embarrassed and to make matters worse Fuyutsuki, hearing the commotion walks into Gendo's office._

**Fuyutsuki:** "What's going on in here?"

**Gendo: **"Fuyutsuki, thank God! This ugly, fat, old bitch came in here…"

**Naoko: **"Who are you calling old, fat and ugly, bitch."

**Gendo: **"Your so ugly you put Marilyn Manson out of business."

**Naoko: **"Tell me something Gendo, when you and Chairman Keel decide to play "bump-n-grind", are you always on the receiving end?"

**Gendo: **"NO! I mean its none of your business! Fuyutsuki get this bitch outta here please?"

**Fuyutsuki:** "Okay, I'll ask again, what is going on in here."

**Naoko: **"This little pussy called me an "Old Hag""

**Gendo: **"This "Old Hag" barged in my office and started screaming obscenities at me."

**Naoko: **"Did not!"

**Gendo: **"Did to!"

**Naoko: **"Did not!"

**Gendo: **"Did to!"

**Naoko: **"Did not!"

**Gendo: **"Did to!"

_Fuyutsuki just shook his head and turned around heading back out of Gendo's office. _

**Fuyutsuki:** "Hmm…children. I don't guess I'll ever be to old for this."

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Well I hope it wasn't too bad. Anyway, until next time.


End file.
